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"Just
finished the Escort to the Beloved chapter. I have cried for the first
time since December 8, 2000—the night of the car accident
that nearly
took my life. I didn't cry then. I think I became an observer of my
life. I can't begin to thank you for writing this book.”
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Trebbe Johnson's Newsletter
October 2007
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 Dear Questers, Friends, and Seekers of the Beloved,
While
writing this newsletter, I was struck by an emerging theme: daring.
More specifically, daring to push beyond familiar limits. I'm not
talking about measuring outer achievement here-jogging more miles,
selling more products. Daring is also an important, sometimes crucial
foray into living more deeply and authentically within
the emotional and spiritual terrain we're already occupying. This
newsletter explores daring in three areas: friendship, the state of the
world, and stability in love. I would love to hear your responses and
your own stories.
To those who are receiving this newsletter for the first time... welcome! Here you'll find news of upcoming Vision Arrow
events, reflections, profiles of extraordinary people, and stories of
transformation that occur when we accept, in small, bold, startling
ways the invitations that the world is always sending us. |
| DARE TO SPEAK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  The little girls pictured here are students in a classical Legong dance
class that I sat in on when I was in Bali recently. I love the way they
lean comfortably and compatibly on one another as they watch another
girl practice her solo dance. I took several pictures of them, partly,
I think, because I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately.
A
couple of years ago, someone told me she couldn't be my friend anymore
because we had such different ideas about what friendship entailed.
This woman lives on the other side of the country from me and wanted
more regular visits between us, a kind of commitment I felt unable and
unwilling to give. Whereas I was hurt by her wish to break off contact,
I couldn't help appreciating both her clarity about what she wanted
from a friendship and her courage to state it.
Recently I've
been troubled that another valued friendship that seems to be eroding
for some reason. I have tried to find out why and have received only
silence or unconvincing assurances that all is well. So I have begun to
ask other friends: What do you expect from a friendship?
Not
surprisingly the responses vary tremendously. One woman told me that
she expects her friends to do things they've said they'll do. A man
friend said he considers his friends to be friends always, even if they
don't speak for months; when they do, he's just glad to reconnect. What
is at least as enlightening as the answers is that we almost never
communicate these needs to one another! We each have our own firmly
embedded idea of what friendship means, and we simply assume that this
is some kind of universal rule that everyone else is observing as we
do. Therefore, your friend might do something that hurts you, but if
you don't speak up about it, the other person never knows what's wrong,
and the friendship can end in misunderstanding and silent resentment.
I
have a few friends with whom I am able to share the occasional hurts
and problems that crop up. Each of us has trusted the other enough to
admit our feelings. We've been willing to listen, to acknowledge our
mistakes, and to try to adjust our behavior in future. The friendships
have grown and strengthened as a result.
So consider: Is there
something bothering you that you need to admit to a friend? If a
friend expresses some hurt or anger to you, are you willing to admit
when you're wrong? And can you admit a mistake while not taking on
responsibility for more than your share of the problem? This is an
invitation to all of us to dare to speak the truth about our friends to our friends. |
DARE TO SEE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Reggie Marra
is a poet, teacher, and activist who seems to have made a promise to
himself not to shut his eyes on the dark side of his world. He will see
it all-the broken bodies and vacant eyes, the flat sentiments of those
who are supposed to be leaders and experts, the sorrow and sweetness of
long illness, and the body language that speaks when words cannot. In
his latest book of poetry, This Open Eye, he turns his gaze on the war in Iraq.
The
poems in this book are not Reggie Marra's personal feelings about the
war-or at least not directly. Instead, he has absorbed the voices and
images of both the brutal and the brutalized, then pared them down to
their sharp, bitter essence. He gives these nuggets of reality back to
us in spare language that seems to penetrate to the core of the
original image. In this way he forces us, his readers, to bear witness
as he does to truths that we might otherwise find unbearable.
Surprisingly, we emerge from the reading of these poems feeling not
depressed or frightened, but grounded, compassionate, and deeply
connected to the sad, cruel, and sometimes tragically innocent world we
live in.
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DARE TO LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 After a Desire and the Quest for the Beloved
workshop a few weeks ago, the woman who was driving me to the airport
told me of an occasion when she herself was being driven to the
airport after a weekend retreat. First, the woman who was driving got
so involved in saying her goodbyes that they left much later than
planned. Then, shortly after they'd set off, they came across a stray
dog that the driver insisted on taking to an animal rescue service. Her
passenger, who was now driving me, missed her plane.
"That was very irresponsible of her!" I declared, getting indignant on her behalf.
"Well,
I guess she felt a responsibility to follow the Beloved," said my
companion, meaning she was compelled to say goodbyes to close friends,
to save a lost dog.
And I realized that I often talk about the
call of the Beloved, that dynamic inner energy that makes us feel
passionate about life, as if it were primarily a call to follow
allurement, to step into the unknown, to explore the mystery.
In
truth, though, the call of the Beloved is as much about deepening the
relationships we already have as it is about venturing into new ones.
Developing a conscious relationship with the inner Beloved means asking
ourselves how we can love more deeply, generously, and authentically
the people and tasks to which we are already devoted. A woman who took
my workshop in Nashville last spring made this discovery. She came home
from the workshop excited about many new projects and ideas and
couldn't decide which to embark on first. Working with imagery to tune
in to what had the strongest meaning for her, she was surprised to
discover that the images that arose had to do with spending the summer
at home with her husband, taking walks, reading together, working on
their house.
Too much venturing-out is just as self-defeating
as too much staying-put. We need to risk delving deeper into what we
have, just as we need to risk stepping further out into the beckoning
unknown. And as for the woman who had volunteered to drive a fellow
retreatant to the airport and kept getting distracted, my feeling is
that the commitment she took on ought to have been her priority. Life,
fortunately, gives us regular daily opportunities to choose which is
more important at the moment-going further out or going further in-and
thus keeps this most tantalizing question alive. |
| BOOK AND WORKSHOP NEWS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Second Journey
is a pioneering organization based in Chapel Hill, NC that promotes
programs and books to foster meaning, spiritual deepening, and "a
renewed ethic of service and mentoring" in later life. Upcoming
programs this fall include "Women in the Second Half of Life" and
"Spirit, Service, and Community." This month's newsletter, Itineraries, features an article by me about aging as an ongoing journey into the sunrise.
My book, The World Is a Waiting Lover: Desire and the Quest for the Beloved, is available at Amazon.com and in bookstores everywhere.
Starting
in next month's newsletter, watch for regular announcements about the
wonderful new and returning programs that Vision Arrow will be offering
in 2008. |
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Contact Information
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phone: 570/727-4272
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